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This is an excerpt from a newspaper article with the same title written by Keith Connors, Scripp Howard News Service.
Permission to copy given by SHNS.

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Several former colleagues have read this page and made some suggestions for additions to the list.

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These are the definitive, time-honored and can't miss strategies which are guaranteed to impress a college professor and ensure greater academic success in college.

• On the first day of class, make sure to ask, "How many cuts are allowed?"
• Then, when you cut a class, follow up the next time by inquiring, "Did you cover anything that will be on the test?"
• Even more impressive is to speak to the professor in advance by saying, "I can't make it to class on Thursday. Are we going to do anything important?"
• In a three-hour class, feel free to leave at the break. Professors never notice.
• Don't even bother to ask if papers need to be typed. Professors are highly skilled at deciphering primary documents and actually prefer illegible scribbling over double-spaced documents prepared on laser printers.
• If you do use a word-processor, never waste time making a back-up of your documents. Computers hardly ever crash, especially the night before papers are due.
• Avoid ever speaking with a professor outside of class. But if you must, never make an appointment. If you do make an appointment, show up at another time.
• Feel free to keep yourself fortified in class with aromatic fast food restaurant fare and beverage containers that slide easily off slanted desk surfaces.
• Avoid sitting anywhere close to the front of the classroom. Back row seats are especially useful for propping your head if you get sleepy.
• Near the end of every class, make sure to close your books firmly and jingle car keys ostentatiously to help remind your professor that time is just about up.
• Above all, be yourself. Make sure all of your tattoos and body piercings are visible at all times. And always wear a grungy baseball cap to class every day, preferably backward.