Robert M. Simmons  

from Added Entries (Poems 1991- )

  The Captain of Main Street

   A Nantucket Sea Chantey

The Captain Josiah Cook House

   is my Main Street abode.

A bonus from the stockholders,

   it must have cost a load.

I like the look of Nantucket;

   it really is quite quaint.

They tell us what flowers to plant

   and what colors to paint.

The Historical Commission

   carries a lot of clout,

but that's the price which we must pay

   to keep the riffraff out.

I have so much money, yo ho, yo ho,

   I now have trouble spending it.

My wallet is so thick, yo ho, yo ho,

   I have a hard time bending it.

My first challenge as CEO

   was to establish order

by hiring some of those wetbacks

   flooding across the border.

The locals didn't like it much

   so I showed them the door,

saving a bundle when they went

   on pension plans and more.

Once I was at the helm awhile

   profits went through the ceiling.

Our costs were cut when I outsourced

   to workers in Darjeeling.

It takes a steady hand, yo ho, yo ho,

   to navigate rough seas.

The Board was delighted, yo ho, yo ho,

   with my economies.

The twin-master in the Basin

   did not cost me a dime.

I sail with babes and booze aboard

   whenever I have time.

Canvass billowing in the wind,

   we cruise Nantucket Sound,

merry making around the clock,

   no destination bound.

After a weekend on the sea,

  more fun on shore awaits.

The Bosun's Bottle is a must

   for me and my ship mates.

Down to the sea I go, yo ho, yo ho,

   when e'er I have the chance,

and when I am ashore, yo ho, yo ho,

   I drink some more and dance.

As long as things were going well

   my salary kept rising.

The sums our Board agreed to give

   I found truly surprising.

The stock options were generous.

   I knew how long to hold them.

Before the shares went belly-up,

   I had already sold them.

Despite the measures that I took,

   the company went under.

My severance package was so large,

   it was the eighth world wonder.

It matters not to me, yo ho, yo ho,

   if they are up the creek.

I have in my accounts, yo ho, yo ho,

   more money than a sheik.

Now I am known as the Captain

   of picturesque Main Street.

Who could have guessed a year ago

   that life could be so sweet.

I joined the Garden Club and the

   Historical Commission.

The neighbors can not sneeze without

   requesting my permission.

And let's not forget the Yacht Club

   where salty dogs like me

swap stories of  their adventures

   out on the open sea.

My life has been so good, yo ho, yo ho,

   I'm constantly commending it,

and whatever the price, yo ho, yo ho,

   I can pay for extending it.

                        © 2006 by Robert M. Simmons

Manuscript note: This sea chantey was found scribbled on a piece of parchment corked up in an empty Remy Martin Louis XIII Cognac bottle floating among the champagne corks and caviar cans in Nantucket Harbor.

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Subjects: poems about, Nantucket, Nantucket Sound, Nantucket Harbor, sea chanteys, corporate executives, corporate greed, illegal aliens, outsourcing, stock options, executive bonuses, executive severance packages, corporate failures,  historical commissions, garden clubs, yacht clubs, satire, poetry, poems

The Captain of Main Street