Dewd FAQ

All of the information you always wanted to know, but were afraid to ask.

 

WARNING:

After reading this, you may decide that you were better off not knowing.


Because you asked....

  1. Who is Dewd?
  2. What is the Dewd Ranch ?
  3. How much is this project costing the Taxpayer?
  4. Why are there so many references to Mountain DewTM?
  5. How are members of Da Crew selected?
  6. What is Da Crew's mission?

Who is Dewd ?

Dewd's true identity is classified, but here is the information that has been approved for civilian release.

Although there have been many imitations and imposter sightings, there is only one true Dewd.  Dewd is one of the unique members of Da Crew, and as such possesses infinite cosmic powers, but an itty bitty living space (sorry, couldn't resist).  Dewd is powered mostly by a volatile sugar/caffeine mixture (often accompanied by BBQ chicken and pineapple pizza), and has been known to consume mass quantities in short periods of time.  While in its pure form, this mixture has been reported to dissolve tanker trucks, there has been no such affect in Dewd's operational status.

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What is the Dewd Ranch ?

The ranch was designed to be the central operations center of Da Crew.  Exploiting the power and reach of the internet, the Dewd Ranch is able to facilitate instant communication (unless you are using AOL) and status updates among members.  The world is invited to tour the public areas of this site.  Core sectors are restricted to Crew members with Authorization Access Level: Delta Echo Walrus.

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How much is this costing the Taxpayer?

Trust me..., this is information that you are better off not knowing.  Just think of it as a donation. (No, it's not tax deductible.)

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Why are there so many references to Mountain DewTM?

While often considered the nectar of the gods, we assure you that there is no corporate conspiracy (that we will readily admit to).  References to any products/places/persons, past or present with similar qualities is purely coincidental.

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How are members of Da Crew selected?

Recruitment of new members is an ongoing process.  Members frequently conduct covert surveillance in order to determine those who are worthy and up to the challenge.   Once accepted, members are trained, assimilated, and returned to their home communities.  Their identities remain classified to all outsiders.  Neighbors, friends, and family members are left unaware of members' identities.  Do you have a member living with you??

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What is Da Crew's mission?

Da Crew has been charged with many critical tasks that face humanity.  Current operational maneuvers are classified.

 

IMMEDIATE PAST PROJECTS:

Joint task force operation to determine what the meaning of "is" is. 

The whole Roswell / Area 51 thing... (almost got us that time).

Investigation of how gaining 500 cable channels, still results in nothing good to watch.

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DEWD FAQs.
Copyright © The Dewd Ranch.  All rights reserved.
Revised: November 26, 2002.